youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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