i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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