I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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