mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
