Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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