We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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