apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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