i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize