Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
