I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
