Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
