..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
