My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
