you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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