I could have mohawked her pubes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
