Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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