You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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