Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sex in a hospital.. check
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
