I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
