My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
