Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
