Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sponge bath it is.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize