SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize