We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hippo gnu deer
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
