you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Everclear isn't food dammit
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