Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
