my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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