I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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