idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
