This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize