I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
