I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
