i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
