there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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