i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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