I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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