12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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