Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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