i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
