You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's shark week go big or go home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
