All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
