Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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