"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need a beard to bite.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
