I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
