she was so not down for the gang bang
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
