she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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