do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
