i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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