I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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