we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
