Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
