I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
