First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
