the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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