Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
