Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
