i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
