I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
