Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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