...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
