3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
