im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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