Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
