Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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