you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
