I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
