his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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