my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
