just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
