I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
