when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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